in Her guise as Crone;
Beside Her stands the God,
become the Sage.
The tortoise settles where
the crow has flown.
They are your guides
as you come to this Age.
Through childhood you've passed,
and middle years;
Through work and children
that have been your pride;
Through peaks and valleys, laughter, calm, and tears.
You've known them all - now set them all aside.
Your duty now is memory, so teach
The things you've learned to those who gather 'round;
And do not fear the winter, for the reach
Of death is no more than snow on the ground.
So take the cloak of indigo and wear
Your wrinkles as a badge of worth you bear.
~Elizabeth Barrette
- Location:The Office
- Mood:
calm
One of my favorite things about Pandora is all of the new bands and music I wouldn’t normally know about come up on my stations, giving me the chance to develop a new fan-girl obsession.
This summer I worked a lot with my Indie-Dance-Party friend Tracy, and she has such a good taste of music! A song came on a few times and I got really excited every time, and finally one day between slinging shots and steaming milk I was able to check out their name.
Very quickly my little summer playlist developed (poor Steve, having to put up with my obsessions), and very quickly My Coco became one of my favorite songs of the summer. I love putting it on in the car so I can blast the tunes and sing and dance.
One of the things Steve and I love about the Triangle area is all of the great music that comes through! Our first autumn here was an orgasm of musical explosions. You could literally see a new show every night if you wanted to. A new genre every week. There’s so much going on!
We don’t go to shows as much this year as we have in the past. We’re old and tired and broke, but we still keep our eyes on the set lists!
Imagine how happy I was when StellaStarr* showed up on the Local 506 email list! Wednesdays are usually busy days for us, so we knew we’d have to do some clever shifting to get this to work. It came down to us deciding Tuesday night, and then once we made that commitment, I was hooked!
On top of that, our landlady was going to come by the house on Thursday, so Wednesday was a busy day “off” (not at the coffee shop) for me to write, clean, and write and clean some more. A quick dinner, stuck in traffic on the highway as we tried to make it to my book club on time (no luck), a quick book club meeting, and then off to the 506!
I’ve only been to the 506 a few times, but it might be my favorite venue. It’s smaller than the Cradle, so the shows end up being a little more intimate, and it just seems a little less up its own ass.
We got a great parking spot, but I was a little annoyed with all of the people circled around the front door. Nope, not a line, but a smoking circle, making it impossible to get into the venue and out of the rain. But we get in and I’m finally able to use my trusty Local 506 membership card, and despite the fact that the website says the time the doors open and the she starts, of course the show doesn’t start until a half an hour after that. No worries, though. Steve and I got to chat a bit, I stole a paper poster from the lady’s room, we did some people watching, and first up wish Drink Up Buttercup!
Four guys, and pretty much everyone plays some variation of guitar/vocals/percussion. Seriously. They look like dirty hipsters, you know, the kind that wears a plaid flannel over a stripped polo shirt on top of a trucker’s cap over converse they’ve been wearing since 7th grade.
Opening acts can be hit or miss. In the past, Steve and I have seen really great opening acts (the Redwalls) and some really crappy opening acts (Roonie). We were so pleasantly surprised with 
How do I describe the sounds of Drink Up Buttercup? A Philly band, it’s like the Great White Jenkins meets Man Man meets that one band I saw that one time in 
During one song the drummer was standing on his bass drum slamming two tambourines together, while the guitar player was singing opera and the keyboard guy was slamming a maraca onto a silver trash can while the other guy was making sweet, sweet love to his guitar. 
Rock, swing, noise, experimental, rockabilly, noise, indie – Drink Up Buttercup is all of these things and more. They played a great set that wasn’t too long and wasn’t too short. And after, StellaStarr*!
(Stay tuned for part 2 – StellaStarr*!)
And after the shows we chatted with some of the guys from Drink Up Buttercup. Of course I was shy because I’m a shy, awkward person. But the guys were cute and so nice and so polite. When they come back to the Triangle area, we’re totally going back. I can’t wait!
- Location:The Office
- Mood: loved
- Music:Drink Up Buttercup
Sneak into my empty bed and educate me, my Cococo.
In the summer, in the spring, in public places - my Cococo!
On an island far away, lemonade with my Cococo!
And when I was down and failing life, you came save me, my Cococo.
And when they said I’m telling lies, you believed me, my Cococo!
And through the noise I heard a song. You were singing, my Cococo.
And when you said that nothing’s wrong, I believed you, my Cococo.
But you were gone when I came through, and I’ll remember you, oh!
Well, some day I’ll dance with you when I’m dreaming, my Cococo
I sat alone and I didn’t care.
I sat two years in the same old chair.
I saw three roads and I didn’t know which way to go.
I need some help from a little love.
I need some help from a little above.
And you were there when I was feeling low, I won’t forget you, my Cococo!
Because you’re my Coco.
The Venue
The Band
The Song
- Location:The Office
- Mood:
crazy - Music:StellaStarr*
Ocimum basilicum
A man stands on a terrace. Basil grows up over him, flowering. He holds one staff in one hand, while another leans against the railing. In the other hand he holds the world
Carminative, diaphoretic, anti-inflammatory. The royal herb for all Italian cooking, thus the assignment is of a sophisticated nobleman looking over the world. Basil can also be taken as a tea for stomach upset, gas, colds and fevers.
Divinatory meanings - assessment, evaluation, recognition of one's full potential, genuine appreciation of one's own manifest powers and capacities
reverse meaning - fear of completion, reluctance to move on and take full responsibility, looking rather than participating
- Location:The Office
- Mood:working
- Music:Warm Place
In Summerland,
beyond the western sea,
Your soul has rested for a timeless time.
You've walked beside
the God and Goddess, free
To share communion subtle
and sublime.
Then something plucks
and beckons at your mind -
A call, a summons you cannot ignore.
You turn from your companions,
and you find
A Gate where there was never one before.
Now gather up the memories and skills
You'll need in this new life that draws you through.
Choose lessons, tests, and goals; choose bells and frills.
They'll sleep inside, till magic wakens you.
Leave Summerland behind, and pass the Gate
To Beltane's glen where loving parents wait.
~Elizabeth Barrette
- Location:The Office
- Mood:
curious - Music:Robin Hood
Traditionally, under the October Full Moon animals were slaughtered, their hides tanned, and meat stores. Working late under the light of the moon, the last of the harvest is gathered. Pause and remember: the fertile cycle is coming to an end, the wheel of the year is turning like the cycle of life and death. Put your self and your life in order, letting go of what is unnecessary, for death is upon us. Prepare for the cold dark months ahead. The veil between the worlds is thin. Honor your ancestors, invoking their guidance and protection, then ask their spirits to guide you through the underworld. Light candles and lanterns to invoke justice, balance, and inner harmony, and welcome the dark as a place of stability and reflection.
Harvest Moon, Shedding Moon, Moon of Changing Season,
Life ebbs and flows with infinite reason,
Demeter, Horned God, Lakshmi see,
Memory and karma burn bright within me.
~Dallas Jennifer Cobb
- Location:The Office
- Mood:
thoughtful
It has been argued that science fiction is a Cold War genre. Anything written before World War II is an adventure story, and anything after the fall of the
While District 9 is all about “The Other”, it deals with the question in a wonderfully sophisticated and contemporary manner.
District 9 is what happens when sci fi moves beyond the Cold War and enters into a modern, Post-Coloialism/Post-9 11 world.
While I agree with the mixed criticisms for District 9, such as the lack of more information about the Bjorn, the “faux documentary” style, how it wasn’t action enough, or too much action, or how it was very, very sad, I think there is a whole lot to be said in the movie’s favor.
Those run-down shacks where they stuff the Prawns aren’t a movie set. Those are real homes. (“homes”?) Filmed in
Real people live in those slums. Real people have been/are being treated the way the humans treat/ed the Prawns. I’ve been to parts of
And, as far as the places where the Other are forced to live, what about the places where the Other can’t go?
In the spirit of a Post-Colonial world, we see the Prawns wearing the clothes of the oppressor, even though they don’t need them. Though they don’t speak the oppressor’s tongue, neither can/is able to speak the language of the other. (Through the Prawns say “fuck”.)
The very fact that the humans call the Prawn by Human names couldn’t even be more Colonial. The Oppressor has a long history of naming and renaming everything they come across. The Greeks, as they conquered Eqypt, renamed their gods. The Romans, as they encountered Judeo-Christian myth, changed up the Greek. We have Anglicized versions of French and German words, and then we renamed every American Native we could find as John, Bill, Frank or George. Slaves were given the names of their Owner Family. Asians who relocate to the West are given American names, and I’m sure our soldiers in
Sure, names and words are hard. But by naming the Other on our terms, it further objectifies them, makes them ours, and makes them less of their own. Eventually, these societies do take their own cultures and names back, or sometimes we’re even able to blend the two cultures, but that original seed of oppression still exists.
Don’t even get me started on the Nigerians.
Let’s not forget the frighteningly realistic Halliburton/Blackwater/X privatively contracted company that is hired to deal with the Prawns. In the end, they aren’t People. They’re money (through their weapons) or play-things (through their exploitation and treatment.)
Some people complained that the Prawns don’t have a story. Well, if you are the Colonial power, do you even care about the story of the Other? From a viewer’s perspective, this is indeed annoying. We want to know about their home planet, their society, their personalities, and why they are here. But no one asks those questions, not even the pseudo-documentary Talking Heads. The Viewer asks and we are not told. We know something is wrong because we are not getting the complete story. The Viewer is left feeling uncomfortable about the lack of information.
From a writer’s point of view, this is very effective. While the people within the story don’t ask, the viewer does. And this is a work of art presented for the viewer. It works to encourage us to ask questions and to be upset when they aren’t being answered to our satisfaction. Had the writer just presented a complete history of the Prawns, there would be no unanswered questions, and this very real detail of Colonialism and Oppression would be missing.
So, how to we reconcile The Other? Despite our best intentions, we are all Oppressors in one way or another. That’s just the way the system works. Though I’ve lived in the South West and studied
Science fiction is a great way for us to not only explore our relationship with the other (which can happen outside of science fiction and does!) but it lets us become the other. This is something no other genre can make happen (with the exception to fantasy, perhaps, which is the little cousin to sci fi, and rarely as sophisticated.)
The Cold War told the story of the Other as the alien society that was bad, evil, primitive, war mongering, non-Capitalist, non-American, non-White, non-Christian, etc. The Cold War era was a time when, while Colonialism existed and was still a problem, the Other was a clear threat to us, our way of life, and our lives. While important, this theme has been beat to death in sci fi. The alien hive mind represented the Communist menace, and in the end, freedom, truth and liberty prevailed.
(though, interestingly enough, Soviet cold war Science Fiction seemed less afraid of the Other and more concerned with themselves, but that’s another rant.)
Sci Fi for the past 60 years has dealt with themes of scary technology (1950s-esque bombardment and how it can be good or bad), environmentalism (which began with horrors and aftermath of the atomic bomb over
(though, if it’s not a cold war story, it’s a hero story, and hero stories come from a place beyond time.)
We needed a science fiction story that was beyond the Cold War. We needed something new and fresh and modern that represented our Post Colonial, Capitalist, post 9-11 society.
This film is District Nine.
It’s not alternative history because it’s not about a world where a key event has been changed or altered. It’s not a parallel universe because this is our world. It’s not just speculative fiction of the future, because the story is presented as if it could happen right now.
This is one of the first science fiction pieces I’ve encountered in my life that I feel like it actually represented my life. This must have been like what watching On the Beach was like. It’s an atomic bomb movie that’s not even about the war, but about the people. It’s a story about what happens the next day.
Watching On the Beach now is totally outdated, (though everyone should see it). In ten years, five years maybe, District Nine will be a period piece. But I think that’s what makes it so good. It’s real and alive now, and I can tell children that the world was really like that, minus the Prawns, but it was still like that in every other aspect.
Yes, slums existed. Yes, people were forced there and then forced out. Yes, racism was still alive and well. Yes, poverty was disgusting. Yes, private corporations and private contractors did stuff like that to people. Yes, the Other still exists. And we’re probably still afraid of them.
Perhaps District Nine was too obvious. But this is science fiction, when has it ever had a history of being subtle? (okay, so it’s a Cold War film in the fact that it doesn’t spare its punches!) And anyway, who needs subtle? Why make a subtle activist piece? Science fiction is actively changing the world and it has been for decades. Why hold back now?
- Location:The Office
- Mood: satisfied
The main sanctuary was like a big arena area, with the preacher in the center, and people all around him. People were coming and going like crazy. A lot of people were chatting, and others were on their cell phones.
There were rooms for everything. Singles. Fat people. Women. Kids. Teenagers. Smokers out on a patio. Diabetic people who literally, in my dream, had troughs of jellied donuts. Vegetarians. Book worms, cowboys, knitters, etc. Everyone had a room for them, a place for them to go and learn about God.
And I was in a panic. I felt under attack. Of course, no one knew I was Wiccan. They'd pray for me and greet me and be very nice. But the more I was in this mega church, the more lost I felt. I started freaking out. I tried to find a bathroom where I could find some quiet, but every ladies room had a huge line. My Aunt Darla was there with me and she was trying to talk to me. I really just wanted to be alone.
Soon all of my cousins were there. I found a place outside, near the smoker's patio, an old railroad tie/log thing set in the ground that I could sit on like a bench. My cousins and family and concerned friends were around me. I was freaking out. I had been wanting to cry for so long, but as soon as I was outside the tears were forced. I had emotion I needed to get out, but it had been inside too long it just wouldn't go.
My cousin Brandon tried to confront me. He told me I was having issues because growing up I wasn't something something something. I talked about how my mom went to church with us, even though she never really liked it. I recognized it was a good gesture. It meant so much to us kids, but nothing to her. Possibly an annoyance.
Sobbing, I explain to them that I have never felt so far away from God. The deeper I'm in these classrooms and sermons, the more away from Deity I feel. "It's sick and horrible!" I cry. "God is everywhere. Deity is everywhere. How can I not feel God while I am here? I have never felt so alone. So disconnected from God."
Finally, I find a way to sneak away. I'm out by the parking lot, and there's this little grassy hill. I lay down in the grass and I feel better. I can breathe.
As I lay in the grass I feel the energy of the earth overwhelming me. It's a current, through my fingers and toes and arms and legs, and then a cycle of spirals putting energy into me and giving energy back. Through the clouds and the dark sky I see the moon. I try to look at the moon. I feel so happy, and so much better. It's like I had forgotten what it felt like to be in the arms of the Mother, and now I'm laughing.
And suddenly I'm hit in the face with a beach ball, and I'm shocked. Where did it come from? In my dream it's like the moon came down to me in the form of a beach ball and smacked me in the face, waking me up. I'm done recharging in the grass, so I start bouncing the ball around. Soon everyone comes out to the parking lot - it's time to go. My ball has deflated some,but that's okay. I'm blowing more air into it. Into the moon.
- Location:The Kitchen Table
- Mood: rejuvenated
- Music:buzzzzz
But I am a real writer. I've been published a few dozen times, in magazines and newspapers and other compilations. Though my fiction isn't widely published, I've written a children's book, two novels and two scripts. And that's not to say all of the countless incomplete manuscripts I have.
I also write online. I've written little adverts for two different companies. I've also written movie reviews for two different websites, and "sex in the media" commentary for another website.
Combined with a "secret blog" and a recent invite I've gotten for a religions blog, I keep myself pretty busy writing.
I shouldn't sell myself short. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my J-School degree, but just because I'm not the traditional reporter doesn't mean it's going to waste. It doesn't mean I'm not a hard worker. It doesn't mean that I'm not a writer.
I need to be more confident in myself. Stop thinking about what I am not and really look at what I am.
- Location:The Office
- Mood: satisfied
- Music:Mad Men
"This is Major Tom to Ground Control. I'm stepping through the door and I'm floating in a most peculiar way. And the stars look very different today. For here am I sitting in a tin can, far above the world. Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do."
"Can you hear me Major Tom? Can you hear me Major Tom?"
- Location:The Kitchen Table
- Mood: peaceful
- Music:David Bowie
The answer is no. You don't need that money. Your business failed. It's mine now, as a tax payer (and boy do I pay taxes) I don't get rewards when my business fails.
And no. You don't need that money. No one needs that type of money. What are you going to do with that money? Buy a gold plated space rocket moon mansion? With diamons and bees made of diamons and dogs that bark and shoot bees out of their mouths and diamonds?
Just no.
Seriously, guy. How many people are unemployed because of Citi? Are you one of them? You should be.
You don't need that money. I know a few people who do.
- Location:The Kitchen Table
- Mood:predatory
- Music:ELO
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/2113454
because no matter how smart or qualified you are, you're still chubby.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/2113454
and fat people can't have opinions
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/2113454
(and on an unrelated topic, ever notice that a lot of Republican pundits are blonde? creeepy)
- Location:The Kitchen Table
- Mood: chipper
- Music:msn news
Traveling through NC was swift and enjoyable. The toll for the Chesapeake Bay Bridge was high, it was worth the money! Very cool!
The VA Outter Banks suck my balls. Or maybe I was just too sick to enjoy it. A combination of cramps, low blood sugar and motion sickness made me very crabby. I always want to try local sea food places, but the thought turned my stomach. But there was nothing else to eat! While looking for a place, Steve and I weren't paying attention to the speed limit, we got a speeding ticket! bah! Totally our fault, too.
We found a place to eat, but then Steve left his debit card there. Talk about a panic attack! We called my mom to look up the number, and called them and they had it and they destroyed it, and we had to call to get a new one, but Steve doesn't have his card now. (not that there is money in that account, anyway)
Delaware was like one large small town. Very unexciting, but cleaner than Virginia.
We got some dramamine and I passed out in the car, and Steve got stuck in rush hour driving over the bridge into Jersey. And then I woke up and had to use the ladies room, and Steve wanted a map of Jersey, so we stopped by the rest stop/visitor's center, which is closed on the weekend! Which totally makes sense because it's not like people travel on Sundays. There were portapotties, but...
EW.
So we stopped by a WaWa (goofy name. GOOFY) and that bathroom was only a little better. And also, why are the gas stations full service? Weird.
Also, there are no left turns in New Jersey. WEIRD. And google maps are useless. BOO. And also, Camden is...
let me try to be PC. I've seen poverty. Hell, I've lived in poverty. I grew up in trailer parks and in the projects. I've been in super poor rural conditions, and super poor suburban conditions. I've seen poor cities, too, while driving through Dallas and some areas of New Orleans. But Camden was worse. Really really bad. The only thing worse I've seen as far as poverty and run-down-ness was Mexico. Some places in Mexico don't have houses - they have frames with cardboard. Gravel roads and people starving. But Camden wasn't like that. Even Steve, who has been in the worst neighborhoods in Dallas (where he won't take me) was shocked. Some people were living in houses where one half was being torn down.
Also, we just dropped $500 on car maitenance, and thank you New Jersey (even the good parts) for fucking up our alignment.
But, our hotel is great. Really lovely. Probably one of the nicer places I've stayed. We have a great view of a little river and beyond that, Philly. The bed is comfortable and the pillows are all feather down. It's nice to watch the history channel and sip coffee, thinking of fun things to do this evening (as long as Steve doesn't have too much homework to do) We had a great pizza last night, met a really nice family and a cute friendly kid who keep on flirting with me, in that way little boys like to be friendly.
Going to try and meet a friend some time this week, and I'm really excited. I've never been to this part of the country before, and Steve and I both feel like country bumpkins. I'll probably never live in this part of the country - it's just not for me. But I feel fortunate to be able to visit.
Also, the grocery store had so many international foods! Nothing like cheese kuchen for breakfast. yum!
- Location:Cherry Hill, New Jersey
- Mood: cheerful
- Music:the history channel
- Location:The Kitchen Table
- Mood: thoughtful
- Music:Jose Gonzalez
I’m always so excited when I don’t want to go to a show and then I go and it’s great. What a surprise! I wasn’t going to go to the show because I had work the next day, but a coworker took my shift (huzzah!) so I was able to stay out late with my best friend and have a great night.
This summer has been a bit hard on us, so it was so nice to go out and just be young and goofy and have fun and stay out late and sleep in so nice and heavy.
Ah… concert hangover!
So, Steve saw the Slow Poisoner in Lubbock and was excited for the chance to see him again. I wasn’t so excited about the Slow Poisoner really. The one cd we have isn’t bad, but not really my thing. I was more excited about the Hellblinki Sextet who I’ve seen… three… four times now? (more later)
But, after all is said and done, I’m really excited I got to see the Slow Poisoner. Andrew is like, the nicest guy ever. He’s really cute and funny and clever, both in person and on stage. He was excited about seeing Steve. He seemed to remember him from the show in Lubbock over two years ago, and if not, he hid it well. He chatted with both of us, as well as a lot of kids at the event. He also introduced us to his friend (who has a last name for a first name, which I cannot recall.) His friend was super nice and really social, too.
And his music was great! He has a great stage presence, and he was really funny. The songs were a lot of fun. The Slow Poisoner is MUCH better live than on album! (which is true for numerous bands) There’s just something about being at a live show!
His songs were fun, too. He took us on a journey from California to Texas to the Deep South to hell to heaven to salvation to the Carolinas and everything in between!
The styles are a strange mix between rock and gospel and Creole and rock. The perfect combination of experimental rifts merging with indie rock sounds and classic regional styles.
And he’s funny, too.
And, he has a miracle elixir.
And he gave Steve and I a comic he wrote and drew. I haven’t had a chance to look at it yet, but I hope to soon!
So, the Slow Poisoner is a fun guy who puts on a fun and interesting show. He sounds much better in person than on album, oh! And his signing voice is exactly the same as his speaking voice! So cute!
I’ll try to write about the Hellblinki Sextet next!
- Location:The Kitchen Table
- Mood: pleased
- Music:the Clockwork Cabaret
I tried to read Twilight today. Bella Swan is a bratty little girl and I want to slap the self entitlement, judgment, and whine out of her. My sisters say "oh, you might not like it. It's for teenagers" (even though fans come in all ages).
Fuck that. Even as a teen I would have been annoyed and sickened by how whiny and self absorbed this girl is. Oh boo hoo hoo. Feminist points aside, this book dwells too much on appearances and fitting in. What a message for already angsty teenage girls!
Bah.
I might read the second chapter and see where it takes me. But I might also shoot myself in my face.
So I'm reading Amy Tan instead, until I get my September book club book, and my book for the Gnostic reading group.
Also reading How to Read the Bible. Not very far into it, as it's a large book (is it weird to read a book that's half as long as the book it's explaining?)
Going to Jersey next week. Hopefully it will be exciting. Right now, I just hope we can find a decent hotel. Jersey is weird.
Steve's parents made a few arrangements to help us with money. Wohoo! I also realized that we'll never get out of debt. Not at this rate. We keep on having to save for taxes, the summer, etc etc. We're always saving for some huge bill, which means we can't ever pay extra on our debt. It will be a decade until we can pay it all off, it seems, and that's assuming we don't get any more! Dismal and droll, droll and dismal.
Such is life.
I hear people all the time talking about how they're broke - friends, family, work, overheard conversations, etc. I just want to be like "yeah, and so is everyone else. Tell me some real news about your life." Or maybe I should say "oh, well, not me. Financially I'm doing great!" but I think the irony would be lost on most people. All people.
OMG SPIRIT OF THE CENTURY. BEST.GAME.EVER.
Also, the Slow Poisoner and the Hellblinkini Sextet were SO much fun! What a nice evening and a great show. Really nice for Steve and I to go out and have a night on the town. I don't remember the last time that happened.
Trying to get a women's group together, but it might not happen. If there aren't at least three people at the meeting tomorrow, I think I'll drop it until a later date. If this doesn't work, I might try to get a Gnostic reading group. Fr. Mani wants me to work on my Priesthood, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. But I do have certain responsibilities and obligations now, and also, I just like this sort of thing.
Our office is clean. Clean clean clean. Things are clean and organized and it's great. I almost can't believe it, walking into this room. Now, the rest of the house is suffering for it. ("I like to keep my nose clean. Of course, the rest of my body suffers for it...") I still want to go through some more shelves and the bedroom closet and such, but for now, as long as we get the messes cleaned up and such before we go to Jersey, I'll be happy. The rest of the stuff will be cake.
Speaking of cake...
My cat is in a box right now. She's really cute.
Also, work is going well enough. I'm tired of drama, direct and indirect both. I hope this fall proves to be more chill. I'm a bit tired of working weekends, and I hope I can get my schedule shifted a bit. But then again, I need as many hours as I can get, so who am I to complain?
I can't wait for this fall. I wish we could skip to September. But then again, August will probably be over before I know it.
Looking forward to Pagan Pride Day, the Eccentric Festival, and the Escapism Film Festival. I want to look forward to Samhain as well, but really when I think of Samhain, I get sad. It's not really fun for me, and it's sad and lonely. It's an incredibly important day, but more and more I feel so disconnected from my Pagan self, that when holidays come up it's just easy for me to push the celebration aside. It's not like I have a coven to celebrate or worship with. It's not like anyone expects witchyness of me. It's not like I have friends or coworkers who are respectful or curious of these incredibly important and meaningful Pagan celebrations.
I guess it's just hard to celebrate by myself. I tried it my first year here, but it's just gotten harder and harder.
I guess that's maybe why I'd love to start a Women's Group. That would give me a community to celebrate with.
If I can even get one started...
I really miss my Coven. I miss my family. I miss my friends-who-are-family.
Sometimes I think that's why my garden doesn't grow here. Because I don't have friends and family nurturing growth around me (both phyiscal and nonphysical.) Because it's sometimes hard for me to think of this place as home.
I need to work harder on that.
Lammas is this Saturday. I'll be working and packing.
I won't be having a ritual or celebrating or feasting or decorating my home or sharing stories or myths.
like every other place in my life, there will be no magic.
- Location:The Office
- Mood:
melancholy - Music:Siouxsie and the Banshees
Well, Max was asleep, but he's cleaning himself now. But he's a cat so he'll be asleep soon.
Boo.
- Location:The Kitchen Table
- Mood:
moody - Music:Pandora Radio
Always the need to divide the aspects of my life and put them into categories.
Let's see...
work is fine. I like my job. Sometimes it makes me anxious, though. I enjoy customers and coffee, but anything beyond that I can do without. Bah. Coffee drama.
Porn is also going well. I'm excited and hope things don't die out.
Ebay is working out okay. The little bit of money helps with my vanity spending, as well as additional stuff in the bank via money orders. Wohoo!
Reading a lot these days. This is nice.
Thinking of starting a women's spirituality group. I really really hope it works out. I invited a lot of people, and not everyone is interested, but that's okay. Dancing naked and being lesbians around a big fire under the moon isn't for everyone.
Speaking of not for everyone, how about that Natural Intelligence thing? Crazy stuff. We'll see where that goes.
Now that I'm ordained I'm not sure what to do with my spiritual, and more over religious, life. I'm trying to be open and accepting.
I had the bright idea to overhaul clean my house, and I lost steam about 30% of the way through the project. It's been sitting in this half finished super messy state for a few weeks now. Bah.
Steve is going to Jersey for some job training in August, and I really want to go with him. The only problem (not only, but big one) is Johnson. Sometimes I hate Johnson. Hate hate hate. I think he knows it, too. Animals know these things. But he really just makes our lives so friggen HARD sometimes. I hate dogs.
Because of him, we pay so much money in food, shots, medicine, taxes, kennels, fences (to be built) and now this. I'll be stuck home for a week by myself, no car or transportation (what about work?!) because of that damn dog.
Also, he pees on things.
Aside from all that, life is swell.
Also, we don't know if Steve has his real job, and in the mean time he's working a time consuming, shitty "non real" job. I want him to quit, but he won't. He's too loyal and cares too much about working hard for hard working people. I love that about him, but in the mean time we only have a few hours a day together. I'm not sure if it's worse than the school year, but it sure feels weird. He comes home, wakes me up, we have breakfast. I work and he sleeps. I come home and sit by myself. He wakes up. We have dinner, hang out for an hour, and then he goes to work while I sit at home by myself for a few hours, then sleep.
It's weird. He's like a roommate coming in and out of the house at weird hours, and sometimes we hook up.
Oh wait. We don't. We're too busy.
Also, Steve almost had hernia. He healed up before it got bad, but we were pretty worried because it was hurting him pretty badly for a few days. Thank goodness for that.
I also tore off my big toe nail. Quite random, but quite painful. Lots of blood, and a day of limping. I'm better now, though.
Tonight, some writing. So I don't feel like a total total loser.
Bah.
- Location:The Kitchen Table
- Mood: moody
- Music:Pandora Radio
Report: S.C. governor was in Argentina
Sanford's staff had told reporters that he was hiking the Appalachian Trail
Because I know when I need to "unwind after losing a fight over federal stimulus money" I like to spend tax payer's hard earned money on an exotic vacation.Also, South Carolina's unemployment rate, at 11.5%, is the third highest in the country. (cited to Wikipedia.)
I'm just saying.
Edit
Randy from Something Positive says it much better than myself.
(My favorite apology is "bitches ain't shit." My life will be complete once politicians start using that in press conferences.)
Also Edit:
to have an affair.
- Location:The Office
- Mood:predatory
- Music:The Young Folks
I need to have summer goals. Sometimes to focus on or look forward to. Right now summer is just... uninspiring.
Been watching a lot of classic Star Trek. Amazing! I wish I could write sci fi that good.
Speaking of nerds, about to start a new game. I'm so excited about my character! I hope I can make him as cool as he is in my mind.
Cool like a fox.
Only two more days of work, then I have a day off. Woot! Steve and I should do something fun on my day off.
Also coming up, two different double features, a Clockwork Ball, and Midsummer. Hopefully good times all around.
Now, if I can only stop coughing...
- Location:The Office
- Mood: mellow
- Music:Love Astronaut
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